What if he does not want to marry? We ask psychologists
However, I am not one of those for whom the stamp in the passport is everything. There are men who are not stopped by any official marriage, or wedding, nothing. Sell his wife for five kopecks at the first corner and will not turn around. It happens. Pretty often. But you must admit, it is strange when for several years you give all of yourself to someone who is not ready to form relationships with you.
You treat the betrothed like a husband: love, appreciate, feed, wash, smooth, humor, but he thinks that you don’t need a stamp in your passport. And its logic is clear. Why put a stamp in the passport, if he already receives a full “package of services”?
At the same time, when your informal husband is asked: “Are you married?” - at best, he answers: “I live with a girl.” But, as a rule, his answer: “No”. And for parents, the son is also single, even if you have lived together for five years and they really like it. Because officially your relationship with him is not registered.
It turns out that a man's refusal to register a marriage means only one thing: he leaves the opportunity to meet someone better. And in relation to the woman with whom he lives, it is a betrayal. I do not argue, wanting to find someone better a lot and in official marriage. But, entering into a formal marriage, the man makes the final choice and SOUND it. Let's not deceive ourselves. If you suddenly meet a man who is not officially married, but who lives or just meets a girl, do you perceive him as a free person? I am yes. Because he is not married. And his choice has not yet been made. And, of course, the woman who suffers most of all as a real spouse suffers from cohabitation, but her “husband” is still single for the environment. It turns out that a woman in such a situation cannot be realized and reveal herself completely. Since the man has not yet made his final choice. I have not done it yet, but the woman is already giving ... Unfair. Many psychologists claim that in such a situation a woman may even get sick. Seriously get sick. Since the energy that she gives to a loved one does not return to her in full.
Another thing, when the betrothed calls you to the registry office and you do not mind, but you all have no time. The fifth, the tenth: the friends parted, the parents on vacation, the winter in the yard. Cold. I want to play the wedding in the summer. If a man makes you an offer, it means that he has made his choice and is ready to voice it.
There are cases when a man seems to be not against marriage, but he is not completely sure. Five years met. And he is in doubt. Of course, you can press, “squeeze”, still formalize the relationship, but his insecurity can seriously poison the life of both of you. Experiencing family crises with such a person will be difficult. And why do you need it?
Speaking of cohabitation, I do not even take into account the legal aspect. How many cases, when informal families break up, not only women but also their children remain at the bottom of the trough. Generally there is a feeling that women in Russia are in some kind of depressing situation and agree to sacrifice their principles, if only there was some sort of, if not quite official, but still husband. Let it be to the detriment of itself. Where does this panic fear of being alone come from? It seems to me that talking about the fact that “men have a shortage now” is complete nonsense.I know young people who can say the same thing about women. A lot of young free guys. Especially in Moscow. There's nowhere to put it. Once you learn to appreciate and respect yourself, he will meet.
Well, now let's get to the specific stories of our readers.
Olga, 29 years old, Lipetsk:
Six years met with a young man. We lived in his apartment. All these years I have been waiting for an official offer from him, but he did not even think of getting married. She put the question bluntly: either we get married, or we separate. He said: if you do not like it, do what you want. It was very hard for me. But I left. Hoped to come to his senses, ask for forgiveness. But no. A year later, I met a young man. Six months later, he made me an offer. Our daughter is already a year old. And recently, my mom met my first love in the store. They talked. She told him that I was married and had a baby. And he had tears ... When mom told me about it, my heart sank. What does it mean? After all, he did not want to marry! And then a few years later - tears in the store. I loved him very much. And I'm sad that it all happened. But then I did the right thing, right? And it seems to me that my mistake was that I did not insist on the wedding for six years. Therefore, I did not receive an offer.