What guys ruin your life
My experience suggests that a man in marriage does not change. He can, of course, change, but just a little, only where it will not interfere with his comfort zone. It is we, girls, who are changing our marriage drastically and adjusting to our man, and, becoming a mother, also under our child ...
Here are a couple of examples:
- I met a decent man of her age 45+. Educated, good health, potency, attentive, polite. I would not like to lose touch. But any conversation, any movement - it all comes down to the topic of sex and talking about how great a lover he is. "I want it this way, like this, you and only you." Yes, in bed he is hot, but for me it is just a bed, but I want to transfer the conversations to another plane: about plans for the future, about something more serious. These nauseous conversations about sex are so annoying: fantasies, games, poses, “Kama Sutra” ... In 45+ there is a small choice, I don’t want to give it up - advise how to set it up more gently for more serious?
And the second, from a girl younger:
- I met on a dating site with a guy, he was 24 years old.A year in Moscow, very pleasant and caring. We rarely see each other, as he works until 6 in the morning in a restaurant. On Friday and Saturday he began to come to me at 7 in the morning after work. The whole day we are with him, and I am very stressed by the situation that I constantly feed him. As if we have been married for thirty years. I am not greedy, and I like it when a man is full and satisfied. But we meet about two months. For all this time we were together in the store once, and he paid for the sausage, a loaf and melted cheese. And he himself ate everything, in addition to what I prepared from my stocks, we drink alcohol, too, from my reserves. Once I asked 200 rubles for a taxi, because he only had 5,000 rubles with one piece of paper. Then I asked to throw 200 rubles to the phone, because we were at home, he does not have a bank card, but he urgently needs it. Then from my card I paid him a ticket home via the Internet. And someone who owed him money transferred me 500 rubles less than I paid. It seems to be a sum of trifles, but I somehow feel uncomfortable. I have a question: how can a guy tell me that this is wrong, otherwise it suits me very well, and I do not want to lose it.
Here, please, different-aged naive young ladies,who believe that they will be able to change these Arkhars, in the first case - a reveler and a womanizer, and in the second - rednecks and reins. And then it begins: lured, deceived, destroyed, the weaker sex, everything. And didn’t she herself put her head in the loop?
Do not recognize yourself? And I learned that in my youth I was just like that and thought that everything can be changed, the main thing is love. But then I realized that life - the eternal struggle for something or for someone - does not suit me. And as soon as I realized that I should be alone, but without the suffering and torment that he creates, I found the strength to weed out the slag and choose someone who does not cause me problems and really is my support in life.
I understand that there are no ideal people, and maybe if you meet a man who does not have any pathological defect, he will seem to you a boring nurse and henpecked, but there are the main features of a man's character that immediately make it clear that this is not your option and you ruin your life with it:
The miser, the miser, rogue- call it what you want, the meaning will not change: your family budget will not be enough for you and your child all your life.
Goon, tyrant, aggressor, cattle- a lot of concepts, one meaning: humiliation and constant guilt.
A womanizer, a reveler, a collector of women's hearts, a pathological libertine- you doom yourself to the constant struggle for this alpha male plus to the constant self-doubt.
Egoist, narcissist penguin, navel of the earth and very often also a manipulator- it will be another child in the family, who needs to be ironed only on fur, and all the best should be only him, and you - second grade, will manage.
Well, quite a reminder for risky women that dependent men - from alcohol, games and mothers - should not be considered as a second half at all.
It must be memorized as a mantra, if you do not want to live the life of the victim.